apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
