i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
