Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
