I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
