So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
