if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
