is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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