Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
