Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
