Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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