Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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