hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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