You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
