The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize