Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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