I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
