So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
