so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
