Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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