Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
