my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
