I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
