things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
