Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
