the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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