so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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