Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
