She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
