that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
