I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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