just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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