if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
