Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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