I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
