It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
