he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
