Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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