i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
