The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
