fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
