Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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