Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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