i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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