I cannot find my penis.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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