Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
