So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
