she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
