just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
