yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
