No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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