dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
