Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
