Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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