Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
