he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
