I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
