Porn is love you can see.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
