I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
