you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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