I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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