the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
