And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
