Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
