There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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