found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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