Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
