walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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