Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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