we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The beer is more important than you right now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
