I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
