we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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