I'm so fucking centered right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
