problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
