goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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