Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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