The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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