Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
