im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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