yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
