It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
