This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
