He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
