he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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