I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
