Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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