I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
