So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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