it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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