The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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