All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
