Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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