Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
