The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize