Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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