He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
