how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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