i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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