were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
